Carnationsit smells of death and cigarettes and flowers. people are muttering apologies to a smooth wooden box. i am busy talking to air.i half expected him to be here, standing here, making people laugh instead of cry. that was his talent - laughing. mine is disappearing. no one notices as i wallflower my way to the back of the room, then slip out into an unfair, unair-conditioned reality.the sun is shining outside. i can hear it as it mocks death. cicadas chirp, people are smoking, and the world is still spinning - clearly it has yet to receive the memo i sent.he was supposed to be here. i sit on the curb, playing with ants, waiting for him to show up. he's the whole reason we're having this party (if you can even call it that). i wait for him to drive up from the carpet shop in a shiny silver car. every time a silver car rushes past on the road, i cross my fingers, hoping it'll realize it made a wrong turn and then it will come back and he'll get out and everything will be ok.e
DeliveryThe breeze carries memoriesWrapped in silk and tied with bowsTelling stories of somewhere else,A place nobody knows.
She Saw a Shooting StarShe was a girl of romantic ideasAnd idealistic dreams,Falling apartWhen her 11:11 wishesDidn't come true
FamousIf I become a famous poet,I won't be remembered.[But you will be]
Morning RoutineShe wakes up to dew-drop kisses,Tasting of coffee and sleep.She drifts outside on the morning breeze,Looking at the pink sunrise cloudsAnd breathing in cool, crisp air.Leaves dance around herAnd rabbits run to their holesAs rush-hour traffic rushes pastCreating sonic booms in silence.She brushes her feathersAnd takes flight,Beginning the rest of her life.
Bad DreamsI've been having nightmares about reality.
The Catholic AtheistShe says angels are the ugliest creatures. She tells me they're undeniably perfect, an adjective we strive to attain in our world, only to find we are ignorant when it comes to knowing the true meaning.She says they're so aesthetically beautiful that our eyes bleed when we see them. She is certain they are the reason why the blind can't see.She says our ears ring when we hear their voices, loud and clear in the night. She swears they are the reason why the deaf can't hear.She says our hearts shatter into a one thousand and six hundred seventy-nine pieces when we touch them, and then are quickly reconstructed using a hot glue gun. She is sure they are why the lovers are suffering.She says angels are why the world is full of sin and pain and loss and death. She knows this to be the truth, as she sits there, broken wings fluttering and halo crooked atop her head, and I cannot argue with her.
Curiosity Was FramedCuriosity is on trial for killing the cat,When in fact it has been the death of me.
FarewellGoodbye is such a permanent word.[So please, please don't say it]
BelieveBelieve the lies you tell yourselfIgnore your aching heartBelieve the love you think you feelsit still and play your partBelieve the smile you plaster onIgnore the tears cryBelieve the joy you think you knowIgnore the pain inside
Thumping"Ow! What was that for?!""Dunno."
Until TomorrowAt the end, I'll be there.
Worth a Thousand WordsShe painted allof her essays.
JealousShe danced in the streetsAnd sang on the subway.People had every rightTo be jealous of her.[For we rarely find a personWho is so alive]
MoonI can't imagine that kind of emptiness.
Memories"Abbi don't!" I shouted, just before the hose drenched my church outfit. She giggled, and despite being miserable and wet, I smiled.Making her laugh always made me smile. Even as a seven year old."You're gonna get in trouble with Amma." Almost as if on cue, my grandmother came into the back yard. "Cole Jason Bartholomew!" she shrieked and when I pointed at Abbigale, she sighed. "Abbi Nicole Rose, what have I told you about picking on Cole?" She smiled innocently, her cheeks flushed with pink. "She wasn't picking on me." I pouted, crossing my arms. "Please, she could take you any day, Coley." Amma said lightly, stroking Abbi's hair. I stomped off, away from the sound of their giggles. I smiled as I left though, because making Abbi laugh always made me smile.______________________________"Happy thirteenth birthday, Abbi." I said with a grin, strolling up her driveway. She returned my smile, and jumped into my arms. "Cole! I thought you said you couldn't ma
forgetfulnessit's easy to forget, to be in the moment and you just start laughing along with everyone else and then you get the hang of it, smiling and talking and giggling. you're having a good time, right? there's nothing wrong, your mind tells you. you aren't exhausted from another night of staring at the ceiling, imaginary ghosts terrorizing your thoughts. you are perfectly fine, just like you should be. and then you remember. your remember that everything is not okay and maybe it's because of something someone said, that you suddenly remember that you are really sad, falling off into the deep end.you know the feeling- it's like someone just stabbed a knife into your heart, deflating it like a balloon, all the air rushing out at once, leaving you breathless, lifeless. your breath falters for a moment, your eyes zeroing in on some random object, your mind flying to somewhere beyond outer space, beyond anyone's reach. your heart starts beating wildly in your ribcage, fighting against the bars, a
A Good DeathA good death is what I wishA glorious endTo my meager existenceThat is all I wishRun through with a bladeCut down in battleFelled from an arrowThat is all I wishDeath before I grow feebleDeath before I pass my primeDeath before I am oldThat is all I wishA glorious end along side my brothersA death that will be recanted through timeAn end that will not be forgottenThat is all I wishWho will give me this deathWho will rise to the challengeWho will honor me enough to give me my endI fear no one
BlurDo you love me?Do you not?Must I wonder 'till I rot?If you do, you won't regretAnd if you tell me, I won't forget.
The Fake And Me.The Fake And MeI look in the mirror and I seeA girl who looks just like meBut she smiles and I cryAnd she's the truth and I'm a lieShe's all together and I'm a messShe's happy and I'm depressedBut she's doesn't know how I feelCoz she is fake and I am real
The Snowball EffectMonsters are real and they like to tell stories about us.We're scary because we can walk around in the day light.We only check our closets to make sure no one found the skeletons.What you became is something that I find difficult to explain.I promise that I try, but sometimes my mind won't let me.I'm still fighting the instinct to protect you, long after you're gone.If I wasn't cursed with hindsight you would remain a child in my eyes.Do you truly deserve that kind of liberation?Nobody wants to play an equal role in helping me destroy these memories.Yesterday, I heard the echo of our laughter in the cries of a lost child.I held her hand and waited for the mother to come rescue her.She hugged me and thanked me for keeping the girl safe.I never feel good about myself anymore.It hasn't felt right to touch anyone accept the ghosts I see in my dreams.This isn't about love or leprosy and I'm not a rat floating down the river on a wheel of cheese.Do you see what I mean?No.I t
The Abuserwhat do you dowhen your worst abuseris yourself?"You're worthless.You're unlovable.You don't deserve friends."Not from the outside, but from withinGood friends.Caring family.But inside. Hate, hate of the likesUnseen from outside.an internal punisherhostage taker.knife to your heart,from your brain.inside you'renevergoodenough."You're terrible.Everything you do is a mistake.You never should've started conversationwith anyone.You don't deserve love.Look at you.Pathetic.All you do is mess things up.You would be better off alone.You will never have true love.What a failure."looking at an icon of my past."Stupid child. Where did you go wrong?When did you become such a failure?"we're all our worst critics.but what about when it's more?what about when you're your own abusive relationship?one we can't escape, because everywhere you turn...you're always there?
Russian RouletteOh, darling...How am I alive?After what you put me through,I'm surprised I didn'tshoot myself.Baby, love is a dangerous game,and we played it likeRussian Roulette.
The HighwaymanThe highwayman with dread-dark eyes,his stolen coat a wanted prize,will covet treasure, great and small.His wicked heart shall claim it all.He'll roam the woods and hidden glen,the emerald loam, the fetid fen.He'll shun the hunter's warning call.His wicked heart shall claim it all.He'll take the daughters of the houseand steal the husband's loving spouseand leave the corpse beneath a pall.His wicked heart shall claim it all.
Out The WindowI look out the windowAnd I seeThe world I hateWaiting for meTrying to sleepLonging to forgetBut my mind is almost fullWith regretI look out the windowAnd I seeSomeone who's trying to beA better version of meI try to understandThat why youHave to be betterAt everything I doAgain I look out the windowAnd I seeLike every other dayYou're waiting for meSo I walk out the doorMy head not so highTrying to be happyIn this messed up lifeI try to forgetAbout the painBut here you areWaiting again
ShroudShe weaves a dress upon the loom,her neighbors knowing it's a shroud,window dressing for a tomb -she weaves a dress upon the loom.Forbidden fruit has scarred the womb,a stranger's face amidst the crowd,she weaves a dress upon the loom -her neighbors knowing it's a shroud.
WasteWe've ruined the lakes, the ponds, the streamsand marred our soil with urban dreams -Eden blighted by machines.We plot and scheme; we plot and scheme.We scorch the earth and sear the air;our poison, seething everywhere,destroys and leaves our country bare.We do not care; we do not care.Humanity has learned too lateour Eden is a fallow state;and what we've sown will nere abate.We reap our fate; we reap our fate.
WishesI wish on stop signsAnd kisses,Warm blanketsAnd coffee.[Because stars always have been a bit overrated]