drama queen

i've never been a good actress. my greatest theatrical performance was playing egg number two in the first grade production of old mcdonald had a farm. i've landed roles here and there since, but for years i was sure that would be the pinnacle of my nonexistent acting career. all that was required of me was to bob up and down in time to the music, singing about chickens, eggs, and other things i didn't give a shit about. it was gloriously easy and nothing would ever top the attention i got afterwards.

up until three days ago, that is.

i got in a fight with her and she spat out the d word so often that it was almost as if she was shooting darts. in the center of the dartboard was myself, of course. and though i never let on, each toss resulted in a bulls-eye. my name and the word drama were always paired together, she said (though she phrased it in a way far less poetic than that). and of course anything i said could and would be used against me to fuel the fire. she claimed i made people miserable by merely existing, for i turned everything into a knock-down drag-out.

i told her i wanted attention any way i could get it. in response, she told me i was a bad person. and who was i to argue? i was the antagonist of the play, the girl who ruined people's lives. i comforted myself by saying at least i was the center of attention. and when i performed my monologue, i laid out the details of my evil plans to destroy everyone around me. the greatest part was that i felt gleeful as i did so, and this most certainly signaled i was performing my part spectacularly.

but was i really acting?